how fucking hard it is to make it through the day. i try to be upbeat and honestly i do have happy moments, i laugh a lot during the day. but my mind is destroying me. i know that im not pretty enough, as pretty as a lot of the girls you used to be with. i know i need to lose weight and tan and all of that. i hate the way i look. i hate that im hungry. i hate that i work and sleep so much. i hate that i have to work so much to have the things that i do. i hate that no one worries about me anymore. the thoughts are still there. you dont know how often i think about it ending. i think about hurting myself. i wonder who would care. i wonder if keylee would even remember me if i died today. gah. i try so hard and its never enough. but its enough to make me want to give up. i am so sick. so fucked up. i feel like its never going to go away and this is how ill have to live my life.